Day 102: “Oh!” or “Wow!” or “Mmmm…”

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On Saturday, I had the pleasure of attending a daylong retreat on the theme, Finding Joy in a Complex World. For many of us right now, the world feels fraught, not just in our personal lives, but at a national and planetary scale. So how do we continue to find the joy in the midst of real struggle and difficulty?

One of the suggestions of our teacher was to start looking for those moments in which you feel amazement. The moments in which you go, “Oh!” or “Wow!” or “Mmmm…” because they are so full of life. It may be before school catching a glimpse of the sunrise from your back windows. Perhaps it is a long hug with your child. Maybe, in the middle of the day, it’s a hearty laugh with a colleague over some ridiculous thing or another a child did on your class that morning.

Sometimes, we wait for events like Thanksgiving to remind us to be grateful, and then, there is often the suggestion that we are grateful for the significant things in our lives. But what happens if we slow down and experience gratitude for the smaller moments? If we start the day intending to find moments that are uplifting, pleasant, or inspiring? Not because they are huge flashy moments, but because they are subtly inviting us to notice. To appreciate. To Wow.

Today, I invite you to look for these micro-moments that we can bask in and savor.

Day 101: Hug, high five, or dance?

At this point, I’m sure many of you have seen the viral videos of teachers waiting outside their doors, greeting each student with their self-selected greeting. But have you tried it? As someone who only recently has been invited into the elementary school world on a regular basis, THIS is where it is at. Of course the intention is to check in with our students and help them feel seen and valued. But what no one shares in those videos is how amazing it feels as the teacher to connect with each of those little people.

In my current role as elementary school PE teacher, I am a buddy to a classroom whose teacher does this greeting. And on lucky days, I get to be the greeter. Getting to have these beautiful little connections with each student, one right after the other, is magical. I can’t help but feel buoyed in spirit, glowing from those hugs, high fives, and dance offs (though my favorites are the hugs).

We ALL benefit from these foundational relationships in our classrooms and small moments we take out of our day to build them.

Day 100: Handshake, High Five, Eye Contact, Thanks.

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(Day 100 falls on a… snow day! The problem with snow days, for me, is that I am so filled with anticipation about whether or not that they will call it that I wake up all night giddy with anticipation, and when I finally get the text at 5:00am, I’m wide awake and ready to start the day. Of course, then there’s a snow day to make up for it.)

This morning, in my predawn giddiness, I was reflecting on a move I shared with educators at a workshop I led just before Thanksgiving: the thank you. When students are done with group work, ask them to give one another a handshake or high five and say, “thank you” while looking one another in the eye. I also like to employ variations of this: when I notice we are really flowing well together, I ask them to put one hand up, then give themselves a high five, or turn and give 2-3 people a high five. This can create little pockets of connection between students, and a reminder to appreciate the contributions each person is making, including ourselves. And there is something in that physical contact, that can become so taboo in our education world, that really cements the feeling.

Day 99: Mind the Gap

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The thing that really creates our misery is that gap between expectation and reality. When we come in believing things should be one way, and they are not, it is so painful. I often find myself bumping up against this in my teaching, wanting so desperately for my students to not do this or do that, because I think they should or shouldn’t. I will suffer despite my KNOWING that not everyone will follow the expectations every time. I know, this week, at least one of my students will attempt to put a cone or bucket over their head. I know many will likely talk while I am giving directions. I know there will probably be an incident where one of my students says something that I think is rude or inappropriate. That gap between how I “need” them to behave, and how they inevitably do in all their tiny human glory, is why I become suffer.

So on the eve of our return from Thanksgiving break, as I consider my week ahead, I remind myself not to expect my students to show up any particular way. We may have to relearn some expectations and norms (yes, again). We may have to review how to be safe with our bodies and kind with our words. We will likely have to practice stopping the ball from dribbling and our conversation from happening when I say, “Freeze!” I will prepare for the messy reality of bringing all these human bodies into one place and the beautiful imperfection that it will be.

The more we can mind that gap between expectation and reality, the more we can acknowledge it’s happening, the easier it will be to let go of our need for it to be any different than what it is.

Day 98: Co-creation

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On Friday I finished a series of meetings with some of my old high school students from Baxter in which we discussed digital technology use and the impact on their lives. I was so struck by the richness and vibrancy of the discussions and their ideas. As I was thinking about it over the weekend, there are so few times when I am not trying to teach my students something, but legitimately trying to learn from and with them. What a gift to be able to give them space to voice their opinions and know that they mattered. Conversely, so many of these students thanked me on their way out, saying it was fun and really interesting.

As I reflected over the last 10 years in the classroom, these moments have repeatedly been the most potent. I co-presented with a group of students a few years ago at a conference about how mindfulness can help you self-regulate in a classroom. I had another group deliver curricula to the middle schoolers at the school next door. to their own. I’ve watched countless exhibitions of learning where students get to teach their families what they’ve learned. Whenever students are actually put in charge, whenever we genuinely seek their thoughts and opinions, it creates magic.

I invite you to look for ways of bringing the magic of student voice and perspective into your classroom. Create lessons where you genuinely learn from them. Make meaning together.

Day 97: Stop everything.

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Sometimes, when my classroom/gymnasium starts to feel chaotic, I find myself trying to rush forward in some misguided belief that if I just keep going, it will get better. The group will naturally reset itself. We all know how this goes.

Today, after one of my students literally bounced off the wall and knocked the breath out of himself, I had my wits about me just enough to direct everyone to sit. We practiced our roller coaster breathing, tracing one hand as we inhaled and exhaled. I had them lie down and imagine floating on a pond, invited them to slow rise to a stand, and we tried some balancing postures. The room stilled.

So often, the only way forward is to stop.

Day 96: Close Your Eyes

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It was one of those periods where we just couldn’t get it together. We couldn’t get in sync. We couldn’t settle down for more than 5 seconds. I ran out of strategies. I felt my body tensing and my throat squeezing in frustration and a sense of powerlessness.

So I closed my eyes and took a single breath. Just closing my eyes was enough to shift me out of panic mode and into a place of functionality. A place where my prefrontal cortex could stay online. A place where I could speak from what I wanted to say v. what I WANTED to say (if you know what I mean.)

Sometimes, we just need to cut out the frustrations for a split second. Enough to short circuit the escalation in ourselves so that we can keep coming back. Keep trying again.

Day 95: Luncheon

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I started lunching with small groups of 5th graders when I realized I was never going to get to know them when I only see them 45 minutes/week, and much of that time is offering redirections, halfway across the gym, to kids names who I may or may not have learned yet.

For all kids, but especially our kiddos who struggle with meeting behavior expectations, relationships matter. And when we can’t build them conventionally, we are challenged to get creative. Even if it means digging deep to garner personal interest in Fortnite and ignoring some sloppy eating practices. Shockingly, to me as someone who has primarily worked with adolescents, 5th graders ADORE getting to eat lunch with you. My first group has been hounding me for when we get to eat together next. So even when our in class interactions may feel strained, we have these moments.

While I have been missing decompressing with teachers in the lounge, I have gained a better sense of who the kids are in my class, besides just their bizarre behaviors of putting buckets on their heads, shouting through cones, and sulking when they don’t get to be a tagger. I find it easier to genuinely like them. And I think the feeling is mutual.

Day 94: Remember the Joy

After a time away from this project, I am back on a regular basis in a school working with kids. It’s a new and temporary role: elementary school PE teacher at a Title 1 School in Portland, Maine. While I’m finding the beginning of this new venture incredibly overwhelming, voice-annihilating, and fatigue-inducing, I am also deeply enjoying building relationships with new students and learning more intimately how to apply mindfulness to this new context. So I’m picking up where I left off at the end of last school year in hopes that my experience can continue to serve.

photo cred: Lidya Nada on Unsplash

Upon starting this new role as elementary PE teacher, I have been really focused on how to support kids in having a safe and orderly PE experience. It turns out the high levels of energy evoked in PE class seem on the verge of brimming over to full fledged chaos at any moment in some of these tiny bodies, and sometimes does. So I’ve been focused on routines, structure, consequences, and logistics.

When I attended my first professional development this year, focused on behavior management basics, there was one message I took away loud and clear: we must bring joy and playfulness to our roles. I was struck by how that felt like it was missing in my need to create order, and how important that was for me simply to sustain my practice. Of course. Joy.

When I went in the next morning, I inserted small moments of silliness. As part of my call-and-response, I had kids silent clap. We did dolphin breaths and cake breaths. I even laughed when I was trying to give directions and a girl had a bucket over her head. Because… I needed to. We all needed to. Of course, there’s an art to allowing in these moments without having them devolve. And it’s a balance I am working on cultivating.

But I will say this: I went home that day and felt the best I had yet. The kids weren’t any different. I was. And it felt great.

I invite you to plant those moments throughout your day to laugh and grin and enjoy.

Day 93: The Anticlimax

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Our last day of classes was last Thursday, and this week is a series of testing days, advisory days, and invitation-only days for students to recoup standards. As such, there is no real pinnacle moment. 2/3 of my classes already said goodbye to our seniors, and last Thursday, I told my students I enjoyed getting to know them, asked them to do some reflection on the class, and bid my adieus, to be seen only here and there throughout this week.

It is a long slow slide into summer… as has been my commitment to this mindful teaching blog these last few weeks. I recognize my project-oriented steam has been waning as we finally have some consistently nice weather around here and I’m soaking up every ray of sunshine I can find. Summer begs me to live, less reflectively, more spontaneously, playfully, and energetically. So I consent.

Here, I will create my pinnacle moment, knowing we will return together next year to keep exploring these ideas and practices. There is no end, really. But, gratefully, we have time now to step away. To recharge. And to return anew in the fall.

Until then. Enjoy the sun. Enjoy the slide. Enjoy the ride.

Day 92: Finding Our Voice

2014 Climate March with Mum (my inspiration)

One of the critiques levied against bringing mindfulness to schools is that it is meant to create unquestioning automaton students who exhibit peace and calm in the face of a broken system (a more in depth response to that critique can be found here). The same has been feared of introducing it to educators: do the self care so you are more amenable to untenable conditions.

From my experience, if shared appropriately we gain the insight needed in order to see our conditions clearly, unflinchingly. We are more closely attuned to what works for us and what doesn’t. We are more able to speak our truth and act in healthy, effective, compassionate ways.

In fact, as I shared a few days ago, one of my students wrote this about the impact of learning mindfulness:

“I've found that I can be more calm about situations, take time to think and then speak up about things. I've had a lot of troubles in the past talking to people and confronting them about unhealthy things they are doing to me/others but I've been able to do that a lot more confidently lately.”

Go get ‘em.

If mindfulness had taught me to close my eyes and turn away from the world, I would have been gone a long time ago. We can’t afford to be governed by knee-jerk reactions, overwhelmed and incapacitated by despair, or blissfully ignorant. We need to go in, eyes wide open, find our voices, and use them.

Day 91: Shifting Sands

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I find the end of the year can bring about all the feelings: anticipation, lethargy, excitement, laziness, restlessness, exhaustion, inspiration, regret. There’s nothing like a looming transition to unmoor us.

How do we manage all of our own feelings AND face the onslaught from our students who are similarly all over the place?

First, mindfulness asks us to recognize these feelings.

Gah! I’m feeling all the feels! This is hard!

This. Is. Hard.

Then, perhaps we invite in some relaxation techniques: deepening the breath, progressive relaxation of the body, gentle yoga, a walk in the park. Perhaps we move some of the more overwhelming energy through, running, dancing, or kick boxing.

And then we clarify for ourselves: Even as this is hard, how do I want to show up? What is most important to me when I am with my students on these last few days?

For me, as the sands shift under our collective feet, it is to offer some stability. Some moments of calm. Some moments of fun. And the love. Always the love.

Day 90: Mental Filter

“Mental filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of all of reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors a beaker of water.”

Photo by Jack B on Unsplash

Day 36 was a reflection on Mind Traps, and I had the pleasure of watching “Mental Filter” play out on Thursday afternoon while reading through student reflections. Almost all of the reflections demonstrated introspection and appreciation of my students’ time in yoga. They wrote things like:

“I think my chronic pain has greatly reduced after practicing yoga and mindfulness! That's something I've been working on for a while and has slowly been getting better.”

“I've found that I can be more calm about situations, take time to think and then speak up about things. I've had a lot of troubles in the past talking to people and confronting them about unhealthy things they are doing to me/ others but I've been able to do that a lot more confidently lately.”

“I have progressed in settling my mind - I have also found more space in my mind for recognizing and letting go of difficult thoughts, and reflecting on the good (some days I find it is at its end and I feel awful, I write it off a horrid - but in reality, when I take a minute or two and run through my day objectively - I am able to see the good and I make a point to remember the good).”

But then there was this one:

“No, I didn't have any [goals] to begin with. And no, I did not notice any other benefits. I still have the same opinions and I don't feel as if anything changed.”

Guess which reflection stuck in my head. I knew the student who had written it, who had been very vocal about not liking yoga for much of the semester, and I struggled with not being able to win her over. To charm her into at least finding ways of making it meaningful for herself.

Over the course of the weekend, I watched my mind elevate this concern to represent my efficacy of a yoga teacher, to question if I was even effective, to wonder if I should even be teaching yoga to high school students.

Woah Nelly.

I made myself go back and reread all of the reflections. I soaked in the beauty of the discoveries students had made. I took note of how that one student, while part of the picture, was not the whole picture.

So the next time you darken your waters with this mental filter, I invite you to take a wider lens and reconsider: What else is true? How can I clear the waters so that a single event does not discolor an entire experience?

Day 89: Showing Up

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I haven’t done any explicit teaching the last two days. Yesterday, we had an awards ceremony for our graduating and upcoming seniors. Today, the whole student body presented yearlong passion projects that they had been working on for a program we have called Flex Friday. My only job was to show up.

So I showed up. And these students blew me away with their homemade ukuleles, 10 minute beautifully edited videos about bilingualism in Spain, personally coded and animated video games, an explanation of the evolution of video game reviewing as a lead in to framing personal video game reviews, expertly produced hip hop beats and lyrics, the list goes on…

It can be easy to lose sight of the whole child when we know them in the specific contexts of our classrooms. When we have the opportunities to know them as fuller humans, whether that be through advisory structures, after school programs, presentations of learning, we benefit so much from being able to stand back and be in awe of them.

What amazing human beings I get to show up for every day, who may need a wider platform, a different context area, to fully shine out.

PS: Here’s an awesome hip hop piece written and produced by one of my students.

Day 88: Boys Will Be...Loving.

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My students were leading us through their final mindfulness projects today. In one class, I had one young man present on compassion, because that was one of the most meaningful aspects of our class to him. He was followed by another young man who spoke on selflessness, and his desire to move past his selfishness—for us all to— in order to heal our world.

It did not strike me until this moment, 8:37pm in the evening, that it was a profound moment to have two teenage males leading discussions about matters of the heart. To have them earnestly discussing how they want to be compassionate, even towards those who wrong them, or overcome their self concern and give to the world.

How beautiful for them to be in a space where they could present and explore these ideas in front of their classmates. What if this is what we meant when we said, “boys will be boys?”

Day 87: To Be Human

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There’s nothing like a beautiful long weekend in late May to make the shift back into school mode feel nearly impossible. I am sitting here on this Monday night noticing waves of clinging to the beauty of the weekend, and mounting aversion to the reality that I have to set my alarm tomorrow.

This is what it is to be human.

Just that reminder helps these thoughts abate. To be human is to cling. To be human is to push away from. We don’t have to pretend it is otherwise. We don’t have to pretend we have evolved beyond this. Instead, there’s some distance in the reminder that this is what we are right now. And, magically, just noticing the phenomenon helps make it slightly less torturous.

Now, back to lesson plans.

Day 86: Appreciation Circles

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Today was the last day for seniors, and so as I do every semester, we concluded with an appreciation circle. I have each student write their name on a card, and then they pass them around a circle. Each of their classmates think of something they appreciate/admire about that person, something they brought to the class, and/or something they hope for them moving forward.

I adore this as a wrap up activity. I get to reflect on each student and consider what I appreciated about them. Students get to hear from one another that they are appreciated. And I get to hear from my students that I am appreciated. It’s a win-win-win.

Day 85: Play the Long Game

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I don’t know about you, but there is something about teaching that keeps me conscious of my younger self, and how much I’ve grown and changed since those grade school years. Large seemingly intractable problems have shifted away…no longer am I concerned about the size of my nose, attention from random I am deeply embedded in experiences that seemed so foreign and impossible…marriage, motherhood, home ownership. Or sometimes I remember back to my first year of teaching, when I would lie across a line of desks at 7pm and cry, overworked, overwhelmed and insecure. Now, whenever I get stuck or confused or struggle, I remember that time and think, “Well, at least it’s not like that.”

Taking time for this reflection, a moment to pause and consider the changing nature of our experience, can help us get unstuck. It can help us value the moment that we are in now, replete with the obstacles we have overcome and the lessons we have learned.

Our mindfulness practice, too, requires a longer view to see clearly the subtle ways it may be serving us. Sometimes I sit and my mind seems a flood of thoughts, other times it seems more placid, but these are not the markers of change. They show up in subtle ways, in the way I can watch the flood of thoughts and not become obsessed with removing them. The way I can notice when I am being judgmental and let it go. The way I can sink into moments of awareness throughout the day without effort that once would have been lost on me.

We’re playing a long game, my friends. Play on.

Day 84: Let Them Be Heard

Photo by Wynand van Poortvliet on Unsplash

As a follow up to the dreaded parent email (day 82), both issues have now been resolved. They were resolved by meeting with each student and asking them to share their perspective. In both cases, I set up the container to be one of genuine curiosity about their concerns. It was not a time for me to convince them otherwise or prove them wrong. I just listened. One student quickly owned that he had been stressed out about other things and his mother misconstrued his blowing off steam for a larger issue. The second told me specifically what he took fault with. (His mother related that he was satisfied with our conversation.) I thanked them both for their perspective and left it at that. I didn’t have to fix anything, it turned out. Of course, it doesn’t always work out so simply, but in these cases, just creating space for feedback removed the push back because there was nothing to push back against. I wasn’t trying to defend my teaching or our content. I was able to just be curious.

In a system that often tells students they are always wrong, teachers are always right, they shouldn’t question us, it can be a game changer just to allow them to speak what is on their mind. We don’t have to agree with them, but we can listen. Sometimes, it is enough to feel heard.

Day 83: The Back Porch

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After a weekend away, I had some work to do upon my return. Usually this means I find my way to my couch, sink back, and go until I can’t anymore. However, after a full 48 hours in the mountains, still feeling the effects of being out in the woods, I couldn’t content myself with that fate. Instead, I took my laptop to the back porch and, against the backdrop of a darkening sky, composed a few emails and reflected on some lesson plans.

Shifting my environment to be on the back porch, still in my puffy coat in this interminably chilly Maine spring, I was happy. It helped me keep a sense of expansiveness, a sense of rootedness, in the present. The rabbit hole of the computer screen did not suck my down. I didn’t check Facebook even once.

If you’ve gotta do the weekend work, see if you can find a way to do so outside.