I had one of those days that had 45 minutes of it that made me feel like the worst teacher. My class was unresponsive to my call-and-responses, they would not stop talking over directions, and they would not stop yelling at each other. We ended up ending class early and completing reflections on what we would do next time so that we could have a successful class. It was my last period, so of course it mentally eclipsed the whole rest of the day which was, on the whole, pleasant and enjoyable. Noteworthy was that it was pleasant and enjoyable with another class that I have found challenging in the past. But I couldn’t see that. I could just see FAILURE.

I wrote to the principal and instructional guide and said, “I need help.” And I definitely do want help. But what I really wanted was someone to assure me that I am good. That my struggles with this class do not mean I am a failure or a bad person.

Last night, I was meditating with a teacher who reminded us that we can see moments when we make mistakes from a compassionate place. That we can remember our own goodness even while we own our difficulties and missteps. This, in fact, is key to being able to face those errors effectively. To learn. To grow. And to experiencing contentment.

Timely.

So, tonight, I remind myself that I don’t need my principal to tell me I am good. I can remind myself. I can evoke this quality of mind to look at my struggles. And perhaps, I will suffer just a little less.

(Also, as I related all this to my husband, he said, “Yeah…and… it’s fifth grade gym.”)